


(your love is) like a shadow on me

by phoenixflight



Category: The Goblin Emperor - Katherine Addison
Genre: Embarrassment, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Happy Ending, M/M, Public Blow Jobs, Ritual Sex, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-04-12 14:05:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19133560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoenixflight/pseuds/phoenixflight
Summary: An auspicious eclipse requires the enactment of an ancient ritual. Csevet helps out.





	(your love is) like a shadow on me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [niniblack](https://archiveofourown.org/users/niniblack/gifts).



> This fic was [Nini's](https://archiveofourown.org/users/niniblack/pseuds/niniblack) idea, and I was like "haha that's a fun plot bunny maybe I'll get to that someday" and then 36 hours later I was like "fuck. I wrote it." Sooooooo. Here we are. 
> 
> Title is from Bonnie Tyler's Total Eclipse of the Heart (also Nini's suggestion, bless her).

The first Maia heard of the ceremony was from Vedero. “There’s going to be an eclipse of the sun on the spring equinox this year,” she said, and then looked at him as if that were supposed to mean something to him. 

Behind him, Csevet made a choking sound that meant it  _ did  _ mean something to him. 

“It means you will be expected to perform the hieros gamos,” Vedero said, and then clearly realizing that this was not enlightening, added, “It’s a very ancient ceremony to celebrate and affirm the relationship between the Emperor and the land. Supposed to promote fertility and peace.” 

The word  _ fertility _ caused a certain sinking sensation in Maia’s gut, and when Csevet coughed and said, “Typically performed between an Emperor and his  _ wife _ ,” the sinking feeling turned to outright trepidation. 

“It is an astological conjunction that occurs every fifty to eighty years. Some emperors never perform the ritual.” Vedero looked down at her plate. They were eating lunch in the Alcethmeret; Csevet at his writing desk in the corner, Cala and Beshelar by the door. “Modern thinkers agree that eclipses are scientific rather than supernatural events, but most people are not prepared to let go of the comfort of the ceremony.” 

“Regardless of the spiritual importance of the event, it has undeniable political importance,” Csevet said. “We imagine Lord Berenar and the Archprelate will be speaking to you about it soon, Serenity.” 

 

When the conversation did arise, Maia could only be grateful that it was not in a full session of the Corezhas. As Lord Chancellor, Berenar and Maia had regular meetings, and Berenar arrived at the next one with the Archprelate in tow. 

“It is a very simple ritual, in fact,” Tera Tethimar said, “It is meant to be completed within the full eclipse period, so no more than twenty minutes - human anatomy notwithstanding, of course. There is variation.” 

“But what does the ceremony actually entail?” Maia asked in a tone dangerously close to a wail.

Everyone looked uncomfortable. “There’s no actual intercourse…” Berenar said, shifting in his seat. “The emperor feeds a vessel of the land his essence.”

“Feeds?” Maia echoed faintly. 

Csevet coughed softly, and leaned over the back of Maia’s chair. “Serenity, the participant representing the Ethuveras, typically the emperor’s wife, is expected to bring the emperor to pleasure with her mouth and swallow his seed.” There was hardly any inflection in his voice at all to differentiate that statement from an explanation of this levy or that tariff which Csevet calmly offered on a daily basis. 

While Maia was still reeling from that, Berenar hurried on, “It is of course impossible for Dach’osmin Ceredin to perform the part before your marriage. And custom prohibits the substitution of another noble girl for reasons of propriety.” He flicked his gaze to the Archprelate, as if seeking help. 

“It has been four hundred years since an unmarried emperor performed the ritual, but there is precedent,” the Archprelate said smoothly. He was hiding his discomfort better than Berenar. “In cases where an unmarried emperor is called upon for the task, there are older customs observed. It is expected that the emperor chose a representative from the common caste to perform the role. Prelacy scholarship indicates that this practice reflects an even more ancient tradition where a low-born vessel was chosen as part of an emperor’s coronation, and their union represented the union of the emperor with the Elflands. The last time an unmarried emperor performed the spring ritual, there were competitions held all across the land for the worthiest vessel - competitions of valor, honesty, and goodness. All this is historic of course,” he added, probably seeing that Maia was close to his breaking point. “And the Emperor can choose whatever representative he wishes, within the bounds of propriety. It is even acceptable to have a male vessel, since many of the people working the land and bringing the harvest are men.” 

Feeling light headed, Maia gripped the edge of the table and said, “Gentlemen, that will be all for today. We will discuss this later.” 

When they had gone, Maia fought the urge to put his head between his knees. Csevet was watching him with concern. “Are you alright, Serenity?”

Maia bit back the plea,  _ Do I have to do it? _ His trusted advisors would not have brought this duty to him if he didn’t have to. “We are… adjusting.” 

“This all must be a shock,” Csevet said solemnly. 

Maia swallowed a hysterical giggle. “I had hoped to share that pleasure for the first time with someone I cared for, and who cared for me.” His ears burned at admitting his innocence, but it wasn’t as if anyone in the room was surprised by it. Csevet and his nohecharei had seen worse. 

“Serenity, that may still be true.” Csevet’s ears were uncharacteristically low and his cheeks were pink. “If it would comfort you to choose someone you know, we… would volunteer ourself for the task.” 

“Truly?” Maia felt himself flushing also, and cast a quick look at Kiru and Telimezh, who were studiously avoiding looking back. “You would do that for us?” 

“Yes, Serenity.” Csevet dropped his gaze to the floor and bit his lip, uncharacteristically flustered. “Happily.” 

Maia felt a warm shock flood his chest, and tamped it back. Surely Csevet did not mean it in that way. He managed to steady his voice and said, “Thank you.” 

 

The morning of the spring equinox dawned clear and bright - auspicious weather, since it would make the conjunction of the sun and moon clearly visible. Maia did not manage to eat anything at breakfast, and for once no one scolded him for it. Another notable difference was Csevet’s absence. Preparing himself for the ceremony, no doubt. The two of them had not spoken of it further, although perhaps they should have done as the day approached. 

For once, his own preparations took little time. His edocharei washed him carefully, with blushing and apologetic attention to his groin, and twined his braids on top of his head, but he wore only a loose white robe, which let a disconcerting draft beneath it with every movement. He felt half-naked, indecent, in the procession from the Alcethmeret to the Untheileneise’meire. That was the least of the embarrassments of the day to come, however. 

In the Untheileneise’meire, several dozen people were standing around a cleared dais in the center of the ceremonial space. Thankfully, it was not a full-court occasion, but a handful of high ranking members of the prelacy and the Corazhas, as well as the princes of Thu-Athamar, Thu-Tetar, Thu-Istandaar, and Thu-Evresar, were gathered in solemn silence around the hall. Maia was accompanied by all four of his nohecharei, and Kiru was the only woman in the room. He felt a flash of gratitude that he had at least been able to spare some poor peasant girl, or indeed his wife, the trial of going to her knees under the eyes of so many strange men. 

Maia came to a halt in the center of the ring of watchers, and stepped up onto the dais. His nohecharei retreated. High overhead, the stained glass windows had been opened - Maia had not known that was possible - so that clear daylight streamed through, falling in golden beams onto the dais, sparkling with motes of dust. 

The crowd parted and Maia’s heart beat sped up at Csevet stepped through. 

Csevet was dressed in cream and pale gold - as close to the imperial colors as was appropriate for him to wear. His hair had been piled elaborately on his head, and pinned in his braids was a crown woven of stalks of wheat and barley - a darker gold than his silvery hair - and white spring flowers. He was almost ethereal in his beauty and Maia felt a familiar lurch in his stomach when he looked at him. Here, in the Untheileneise’meire, surrounded by silent witnesses, Maia could admit to himself that he wanted Csevet.

It seemed uniquely horrible to be able to touch Csevet only in this limited way - to have a parody of the intimacy he craved, and yet have it be only as real and as deep as some superstitious ceremony. Maia bit down on his lip to remind himself that emperors did not get what they wanted. 

Csevet stepped up onto the dais, and they stood facing one another as the Archprelate began the prayer - an incantation for prosperity, peace, and fertility among all the lands of the Ethuveraz and the people thereof. Slowly, almost imperceptibly, as he spoke, the light through the high windows began to dim. 

At first it was simply as if a thin cloud had drifted over the sun. Gradually, it deepened to an eerie, gray light, nothing like dusk, more as if the whole world was being gradually shrouded in a mourning veil. Maia wondered, not for the first time, if he was going to be able to perform. With the eyes of the prelates and witnesses upon him, he felt the furthest from desire that he could imagine. The light faded further until the room was plunged into murky darkness, almost complete. There were no lamps or candles lit. 

A gong sounded, the indication for the ritual to begin. Maia was utterly frozen but Csevet, thankfully, was not. He went to his knees with the same grace he did everything, and loosened the robe with a single tug. It fell open. Maia curled his hands into fists at his sides to keep from covering himself. 

Csevet’s tongue flicked out to wet his lips, and Maia felt a jolt of interest, but not enough to harden his cock in the face of such external scrutiny. Leaning forward, Csevet took the tip in his mouth without ceremony, being delicate with his lips and tongue, teasing the delicate skin over the tip.

Maia breathed out hard, assaulted by sensations he had never felt before. It felt  _ good _ , it was intense, but the slimy knowledge of the watching eyes, and the coercion of their positions kept him from getting hard. Csevet worked him gently, suckling at his soft flesh and exploring with his tongue. Though it made Maia shudder with pleasure and dig his nails into his palms, it was not having the desired effect. 

“I’m sorry,” Maia choked out in a whisper. The only good thing about this moment was that their audience was far enough away that they could speak softly without being heard. 

“Serenity,” Csevet murmured. “Maia. Close thy eyes.”

Hearing his given name sent a shiver through Maia, calming him a little. It was like an anchor in a storm; his name on Csevet’s lips and Csevet’s hands warm on his thighs. He did as he was told, grateful to shut out the eerily dim room and the eyes of the watchers. He expected to feel Csevet’s mouth on him again, but instead Csevet kissed the divot of his hip, and rubbed his hand soothingly down Maia’s side, like calming a horse or a dog. 

“Listen to my voice,” Csevet continued softly, still nuzzling at the tender skin of his belly. “I want this. I want thee. I have wanted thee for so long, and I thought I would never have it. It is an honor to serve thee in every way. Please. Let me.”

Eyes squeezed shut, Maia nodded. He felt the tantalizing warmth of Csevet’s mouth again, but this time his anxiety was soothed by the memory of Csevet’s voice, the stroke of his hands along Maia’s thighs. In his mind he fiercely pictured himself and Csevet alone in the room, imagined that Csevet was sucking him not as a duty but an act of exchange, of desire. Csevet’s tongue curled under the sensitive head of his cock, teasing back the skin, and Maia felt himself hardening, blood rushing hot and eager. If he focused intensely, he could block out the sounds of rustling and breathing from the others in the room and hear only the soft, wet noises of Csevet’s mouth moving on him. They echoed obscenely in the cavernous space. 

Maia’s breath was coming short as Csevet worked him with his hand and mouth. The heavy, tight warmth of his climax was already coiling in his gut. It was as if his body, resigned to the shame of public exhibition, had plunged headlong into the urgency of the act; finding excitement in its newness and his desire for Csevet.

He felt Csevet sink deeper, and gasped, eyes flying open. Csevet had taken him all the way to the root, his nose pressed against the coarse curls at Maia’s groin. His throat was hot and clenching tight around the head of his cock. He looked up at Maia, cheeks flushed and hollowed, eyes calm, pale lashes fluttering. They stared at one another, Maia panting and shivering, feeling heat rushing up his spine.

Holding his gaze, Csevet swallowed around his cock, and Maia’s climax rolled through him with such force that his knees nearly buckled. He clutched at Csevet’s shoulders as he spilled into his mouth, only Csevet’s firm grip on his hips keeping him upright. His throat worked as he gulped, sending shocks of pleasure through Maia from the over-sensitive tip of his cock. 

Finally, he pulled back leaving Maia spent and shaking, not even ashamed of his wet cock flopping against his thigh for everyone to see. In a hoarse voice that sent more shivers through Maia, Csevet spoke the words to close the ritual. “The land is nourished. The gift of the emperor is received.” 

 

Back in the Alcethmeret, Maia was pacing. He had been washed again, as if Csevet’s spit as something he needed to be cleansed of, and wrapped in one of his dressing gowns, which was warmer and heavier than the garment he’d had on that morning. It was only mid morning, and he had a whole day ahead of him, with work that certainly needed to get done, but no one seemed to want to present him with any of it, and the one person who always kept his schedule in order was conspicuously absent. 

The longer Csevet was gone, the more Maia worried, running over every bit of the morning in his mind. Had Csevet been lying when he said he had wanted it too? Had he meant only to comfort Maia as a friend? Was Csevet disgusted with him? Had Maia hurt him?

When the door finally clicked open and revealed his secretary, Maia almost collapsed with relief. “Csevet!” he exclaimed. 

“Serenity?” His cheeks were pink, but he was dressed in his usual reserved garments and his hair was braided back neatly. There was no trace of the stunning, wreath-crowned elf who had knelt before him that morning, except his lips which were slightly swollen. “You’re not dressed? You have a meeting of the Corazhas this afternoon, and audiences with the Guild of Glassblowers and the Guild of Tailors after that. 

Maia felt both comforted and disconcerted by the offered normalcy. Csevet, he realized, was giving him another gift - the ability to put this behind them unspoken. It was a kindness, perhaps one that Csevet himself would prefer, but Maia could not bring himself to accept. 

“May we… may I speak to you?” he asked, and heard his own voice tremble. 

Wariness flashed in Csevet’s gaze, and Maia almost abandoned his conviction. If Csevet truly did not wish to speak of it, then they would not - Maia could not ask any more concessions from Csevet than he already had. But he would not assume. 

“Of course, Serenity,” Csevet said, and waited while Cala and Beshelar withdrew, one to the window and one to the door. Either out of earshot or at least a plausible approximation. 

“Csevet…” Maia began, and swallowed. “Are you truly alright?”

“Yes, Serenity.” Csevet’s ears twitched a little, uncertain. “Of course. Are you?” 

“Am  _ I… _ we are, thank you,” he managed. “But we do not wish you to be uncomfortable. If you have any concerns…” 

“We have none, Serenity,” Csevet said, a little too quickly. His cheeks were definitely flushing darker. “We are happy to return to our work as usual.” 

Perhaps Maia ought to let that be, but there was one more truth he needed to speak. He dropped the formal first. “I… I am sorry that it had to be so… forced. I would have shared such a thing with thee in greater honesty.” 

“Serenity?” Csevet asked, and his voice cracked a little. Maia forced himself to meet Csevet’s gaze. Honesty, he reminded himself. 

“Only that… thou saidst thou wanted it. And I… want that also. But not out of obligation or circumstance.” Maia’s face felt hot enough to cook breakfast on, and his stomach rolled with nerves. “Only if thou wantest.” 

“Dost thou mean,” Csevet said slowly, “That thou wouldst like me to do it again?”

“No! I mean. Yes, but…” Maia swallowed. Csevet was looking at him with his eyebrows raised. “I would like to return the pleasure.” 

Csevet, usually composed under the most startling circumstances, gaped at him. He recovered quickly, but his ears were still set back with shock. “Serenity,” he began, but seemed to have nothing more to say. Maia tried to put all his honesty and emotion into his face, willing Csevet to understand him without words as his secretary was so often able to do. Csevet’s throat bobbed as he swallowed visibly. “You… thou’dst truly want that?” 

Maia nodded, and managed to drag a whisper up out of his chest. “I would.” 

 

Csevet followed him into his bedchamber, with Cala a few steps behind them. Maia wished he could dismiss him but knew that the curtains around the bed would have to be sufficient privacy. They settled awkwardly onto the mattress together, Csevet stopping to take off his boots, and Maia drawing the bed hangings closed, while Cala took up his usual position at the window. 

Maia chewed his lip, uncertain now they were here how to begin. Csevet came to his rescue, as before. “May I kiss thee?”

Their lips met softly, and Maia tried not to get tangled in his own uncertainty. Closing his eyes, he let Csevet lead; he clearly knew what he was doing, nibbling and licking softly at Maia’s lips, coaxing his mouth open but only barely dipping his tongue inside. Teasing until Maia moaned and pressed closer to him, one hand on Csevet’s shoulder, the other tangled in the soft strands of hair coming loose from his braid. 

It was so much easier like this, alone - or practically alone - to give himself over to the warm flood of arousal. Maia was already hard, just from Csevet’s skillful kissing. Csevet shuffled forward a little on the bed, so that his knee was between Maia’s, and then leaned in and -  _ oh _ , that was Csevet’s cock, hard against his thigh. They were chest to chest, nose to nose, breathing the same air. Maia felt dizzy, intoxicated, blood rushing loudly in his ears. His lips were tingling. 

Csevet tugged his robe open just as he had that morning, but this time Maia arched into his touch as he ran his hands down Maia’s chest. Tugging at the collar of Csevet’s jacket, Maia fumbled with the buttons ineffectually until Csevet got that off as well. Maia found himself fascinated with the color of his nipples - as pink as his mouth, where Maia’s were dark. When he rubbed them Csevet made a noise deep in his throat that Maia wanted to hear again and again. He pinched experimentally and Csevet’s breath left his lungs in a rush. 

“Maia…” he murmured, and Maia shivered with want. Feeling bold, he dropped a hand to Csevet’s lap and squeezed the shape of his cock through the fabric of his trousers, kissing him again. Gasping against his mouth, Csevet arched and reached down to yank at the laces until they came loose. They broke apart so that Csevet could squirm out of the trousers. 

Naked, he lay back against the pillows, hands over his erection, suddenly shy. “Dost still want…” 

“Yes,” Maia said, hurriedly, and bent to kiss the hollow of his hip, where Csevet had rubbed his thumbs when he pleasured Maia earlier. At the last moment he lost his nerve, and shifted to kiss his nipples instead. Csevet cupped the back of his neck and groaned, pulling him closer as Maia opened his mouth and laved his tongue over the stiff peak of his nipple. 

When they were red and wet with his attention he shifted down the bed on his elbows, until he was staring at Csevet’s cock. It was slender and elegant like the rest of him, flushed scarlet at the head, darker than his lips or cheeks, and so hard that the soft sheath of skin around it was already pulled back. 

“I’ve never...” Maia said, although Csevet already knew that. 

“It’s alright.” Csevet laughed a little shakily. “Thou shalt not need much skill to bring me off.” His cock was gleaming at the tip, leaking a little. Maia leaned in to lick it up and heard Csevet gasp. He did it again, swirling his tongue in the slit until the bitterness was gone and all he could taste was skin. Csevet was breathing heavily, hands curled into the bedsheets at his sides. 

Trying to remember what Csevet had done to him, Maia swirled his tongue across the head, and slid his lips around it, sucking experimentally. Glancing up through his lashes he saw how wrecked Csevet looked just from that- blotchy red patches on his cheeks, eyes half-closed, dark with desire. His hips were jerking just a little although he was clearly making an effort to hold himself still. Maia tried to bob his head in time to the thrusts and ended up choking himself. 

“Serenity!” Csevet exclaimed, alarmed, as Maia pulled off, drooling. 

Not wanting him to call a halt, Maia just coughed, shook his head, and dove back, being more careful this time to stay shallow. He curled one hand around the base of Csevet’s cock, the way he would when he stroked himself in the dark, and Csevet moaned loudly. It was hard to keep from scraping him with his teeth, and Maia’s jaw was beginning to ache, but the noises Csevet was making, the faint smell of his sweat, and the weight of his cock in his mouth were intoxicating. Maia’s own cock was hard, trapped beneath him, and he rocked his hips against the bed for friction as he sucked Csevet. 

The muscles of Csevet’s stomach and thighs were tense and beginning to shake. “Maia… I’m…” he gasped, “I’m going to…” and then he did, his whole body jolting as he spilled, thick and bitter on Maia’s tongue. Startled, Maia pulled back and got the next stripe across his cheek. Csevet was staring at him, open mouthed and wide eyed. He shuddered again, more pearly liquid oozing out of his cock. 

Bending down, Maia licked it off, feeling Csevet’s cock twitch helplessly and pulse again in his mouth. The taste and texture were well worth it for the noise Csevet made - high and shocked. One of his hands was resting lightly on Maia’s head. “Dost not…” he panted, “dost not have to…” 

In answer, Maia sucked him clean, shoving one hand under himself to squeeze his own erection, as he tongued at Csevet’s softening cock. “Maia. Maia,” Csevet was saying, tugging at his shoulders, urging him up until Maia was braced on one hand over him, stroking himself furiously. Csevet leaned up and kissed him, cupping his cheek tenderly at the same time as he reached down and tweaked one of his nipples. Maia gasped and lost himself to the hot flood of his climax, coming in messy streaks all over Csevet’s chest. 

Afterward, Maia collapsed on his side, with his face tucked against Csevet’s neck. He could feel Csevet brushing his fingers idly along his arm as the sweat cooled on their skin. When he finally lifted his head to meet Csevet’s gaze, nervous and shy, he found Csevet looking back at him with something almost wondering in his gaze. “Serenity,” he said softly. 

“Not yet,” Maia said. “Please, not yet.” 

Csevet, brilliant as always, understood. “Maia,” he murmured, and leaned down to kiss him. 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are love!  
> Follow me on tumblr at [ stillwaterseas](http://stillwaterseas.tumblr.com/)


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